The Gays: Call for Submissions

I want to bring back an old series, so I’m extending an open invitation and debate on the next in the series on defining The Gays: Alpha Males and Queen Bees. I like the three stereotypes I have so far, but alas my mind is overwhelmed in the endless definitions. Clearly I’m not the only one with thoughts on this. Who would like to contribute?

Already, I have The Fratastic (Alpha Male), The Fashioñeros and Fashionistas (Queen Bee) and The Hercules (Alpha Male).

Some possible ideas I have are:

The Day Dreamer Gay, The Libertine Gay, The Down Low Gay, The Dandy Gay, The Bearded Hummus Gay, The Scene Gay, The Puer Eternus Gay, The Gray Gay and The Prince Gay. I’ve begun ideas on how to classify them, but it’s more fun to make this a democratic process.  What are some gay stereotypes you know of that could be added to the list. Are they an Alpha Male or Queen Bee? Are these options too limiting?

When I classified the earlier types (Alpha Male or Queen Bee) I based it on mode of communication. Instead of confining the classification to only top/bottom or versatile, I thought more about communication style. I tend to think of Alpha Male Gays as communicating in a typically masculine manner, and being more homosocial (identifying and socializing primarily with males or other gay Alpha Males). Think George Clooney, members of The Frat pack or other notorious bachelors.

For Queen Bees I thought more along the lines of communicating in a typically feminine manner, and being heterosocial (identifying and socializing primarily with females or other Queen Bee types.) Think the main characters of Mean Girls – Cady, Regina, Gretchen, Janis and Karen). Because let’s face it: Gay World is a lot like Girl World, except the massive amounts of glitter and dancing. Just like everyone knows black people and chicken are quite fond of each other, so are gay guys and straight girls: look at the gay icons of Liza, Beyonce, Rihanna, Britney, Whitney, Mariah, Janet, this list could go on forever.

Let me know what your thoughts are. I’m not a lesbian, so I can’t comment on them but I’d love to hear ideas on Lesbian stereotypes as well and add them to the series.

The Gays: Alpha Males and Queen Bees

Hercules

The Hercules Gay

This type of The Gays is primarily concerned with how his body looks, and how muscular he appears. Obsessed with working out, he is generally found in the gym 3-7x a week, and typically will hang with similar gays. Whether or not the primary motivation is for potential liaisons in the bathrooms, or in attempt to become the ‘ideal’ man. Heavily involved with making himself physically fit, the Hercules Gay is prone to protein shakes and unnecessary muscle exposure.

Genus – Alpha Male

Generally, the Hercules Gay are inert, as a subspecies, towards other gays. Strong competitive streak, especially when other Hercules Gays are in sight. Will generally mark their territory, and confrontations may arise in asserting dominance. If challenged, they will adjust so their plumage shines more brilliantly, until one concedes as to who’s muscles are larger. Related to The Frat Gay, but have taken the ideal of masculinity one step further. Usually in compensation for other lacking attributes.

Because their life revolves around the gym, this leaves little time for other social activities, preferring more active partners who will run, bike, swim, mountain climb, etc. Generally of Type A personality, and concerned with perfection, in themselves and in others, though the Hercules Gay goes to great length in not offending their lesser muscled gays.

Due to narcissistic tendencies, usually there’s only room for one in the mirror. Preference for no strings relationships. Work out partner is best bet. Also, in the common pursuit of masculinity, The Frat Gay does not mind associating and the occasional liaisons with The Hercules Gay in gyms, where male bonding is more acceptable in numerous forms. Not as repressed as The Frat Gay, but still slightly uncomfortable with homoerotic tendencies.

 

Drink of Choice : Something that will not affect their workout routine. Ex. – protein shakes.

Probable careers are either related to fitness, which better incorporates the fitness lifestyle. Or prone to competitive environments in Corporationland.

 

 

Signed,

Patrique

 

Fratastic

The Frat Gay

This type of The Gays wouldn’t be comfortable with being called gay. In fact, the word gay and homosexual typically will make him cringe, due to incomplete acceptance of himself. Huge affinity for Abercrombie and Fitch, Lacoste, and Polo. Probably prone to use the term ‘straight acting’ and belong to some fraternity. The Frat Gay will typically repress these feelings and marry into a picture perfect life. He’ll then continue to see men on the side, unbeknownst to his wife.

Genus – Alpha Male

The Frat Gay doesn’t typically flock with like kind after their college years, or with any of The Gays. Just like black on black crimes, these gays are the most likely to lash out at other gays and cause physical harm, fueled by their repressed emotion. Instead, they opt to hide in the closet, repress every feeling for another man, and cling tenaciously to their ideal of masculinity.

Chances are also high some are not even members of the Gays, they just have homosexual tendency which only fuels their confusion. If it feels good, it feels good but it doesn’t make one a member of The Gays. Or lacked significant male bonding when younger. They prefer to not be acknowledged in public. You can probably spot these gays, though, by their obsessive fixation on the penis, their penis size, and need to prove their straightness.

Not all of the Frat Gays repress these emotions. Some evolve into The Muscle Gay, or the Everyday Gay. Some are simply in frats and comfortable being gay. Others just have the appearance. Most, however, are unified by their slightly larger musculature and affinity for sports. “The love that dares not speak its name” is their battle cry.

Drink of choice: Something ‘manly,’ but won’t pack on extra weight. Ex. Light beer, rum and diet coke.

Probable careers are in middle management or some place within the corporate world, where being gay can be akin to being a woman. Except the glass ceiling is a bit higher.

 

 

Signed,

Patrique

 

Fashioñeros and Fashionistas

In an attempt to figure out exactly “Who are The Gays?” , besides being known more formally as The Velvet Mafia, I’ve decided to catalogue some of The Gays I’ve encountered. The first one I bring you is : the Fashioñero / Fashionista Gay

The Fashioñero / Fashionista Gay

This type of The Gays is typically concerned with what’s perceived as high fashion. They can be spotted sporting Gucci, Chanel, Prada, Se7en, and D&G. The holy grail for these types appear to be Louis Vutton. Involved in ‘scene-ing’ –being seen in local hotspots and watering holes, otherwise no one would appreciate their beautiful plumage.

Genus: Queen Bee

Found in all gay enclaves, these gays tend to embody many of the stereotypes : flamboyant, loud, and promiscuous. They will never be seen less than ‘fabulous and fierce, girl!” Generally they form the stock or core of The Gays, as a reference for other gays on how to be or not be. It is from these gays most sects delineate.

However, not all of your fashioñero/fashionista gays are embodiments of iconic stereotypes. Some lead quiet, unassuming lives until the weekend pops up. Others only put on an air of promiscuity. However, they are united in their love of all things material and name brand. After all, how else could you assume they have money to spend? These gays are generally up on all things in. They prefer the weekend, will party hard, and will breakfast on Sundays at hot eateries to recap the weekend, and fill in the gaps due to massive alcoholic intake.

Underneath the ‘fierce and fabulous’ exterior is a normal human being , capable of emotions and vulnerability. However, this side is rarely seen.

Drink of Choice : Mixed and colorful, with vodka. Ex. Apple Martini

Usually not seen without cellphone – the source of their magic – or expensive shades.

Probable careers are in fashion/retail, hair, or make – up. High affinity for Britney Spears, Justin Timberlake, and remixes

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