Bearing the Lightness of Being

Entries tagged as ‘Dreams’

Square-cut or Pear shape…

17 March, 2008 · Leave a Comment

Dear Sanity,

I’ve been toying with the idea of whether or not to go public with this embarrassing secret, but I figure why not. Every one has a small dose of crazy in them. Plus, it pays to plan for what one wants in life.

One of the more recent games I’ve been playing with myself ever since January is: if I were to get married, what kind of rings would I want to wear? I’ve already exhausted possible locations and themes. Now it’s time for the smaller details. As in, the spoils of victory.

Ideal Ring

Ideal Ring 2

See, I like this style, the Asscher cut, but ideally with a blue diamond or aquamarine as the center. Either one. You bring the ring, I’ll wear the dress.

Really, it’s not the ring that’s important. More important is what it represents. Security. That’s a bank account you carry around with you. Should things go south, there should be at least an easy grand or two on your finger. Preferably some more jewels in a safe box. Just in case…

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Categories: Letters · Thoughts
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What Would You Do If I Dreamt Out of Tune…

10 March, 2008 · Leave a Comment

Dear Sgt. PepperEquillibrium still

I’m sure you’d enjoy this. Our friend Jung would have a field day with this one. I’m not sure what my dreams were telling me last night. Also, I experienced déjà vu in my dreams. The first segment took place, let’s say, 50 years in the future, though I was the same age. The world for some reason looks really grey, with concrete and glass everywhere.

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Categories: Dreams
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Goals and Dreams: The Future Pt. II

15 December, 2007 · 3 Comments

Besides doing freelance photography and graphic design, I think I would like to go to graduate school to get at least my masters in Comparative Literature. What kept me unsure for a long time was figuring out if it was worth going to grad school, i.e., finding a topic worth pursuing at the graduate level. I think I’ve found one, and that gives me the confidence in knowing I would like to continue my education. Not only that, but Athens

seems like the perfect area in terms of the confluence of education and art, my two passions. I throw that word around quite often, but if I didn’t have passion for something by this point then I’d pity myself.

If I go to grad school, then it would make sense to invest in a home. Even if I don’t go to grad school, it makes sense at this point to stop leasing and start owning. This would also give me the space to work within. That, and a bigger kitchen to cook in and entertain.

So, at this point I’d like to go to Grad school, do freelance photography and graphic design, while simultaneously writing poetry. The final goal: learn how to design and make my own clothes. I’ve been bored with the selection of clothes I have to choose from, and also how nothing really fits me right because I’m smaller than most guys. Also, the material used is in need of an upgrade. I want to learn some basic sewing stitches while I’m home over break, so that when I come back next semester I can improve on them.

The overarching goal with all of these things is to have an exit show of sorts, a Salon des Refusés though I haven’t been refused. It is a lot like vanity publishing, but multi-formed. By May, I want to put together a poetry reading, and have decent poetry to read. Also publish what I’ve been researching. I’d also like see if I could participate in the fashion show. And then an exhibition of photography and my art. I guess not so much an exit as it is a debut, a way of marketing and exhibiting what it is I’m good at. I simply need to make myself better in these arenas.

So, I guess those are my goals for the next six months. If I thought I was in seclusion this past semester, I’ll be more so this up coming one. Which brings me to another point of irritation: my degree.

If one more person asks me when I graduate, I think I’ll call off the entire thing. My graduating is for me, and me alone. I’ve no interest in impressing someone simply by calling myself a college graduate. The only thing that secures me now is an entry level position unless I have the experience to back it up, and this only applies if I’d like to work for a company or pursue a managerial track. Just from being in journalism alone, the portfolio is more important than the degree. “What have I done?” is a more important question than “What will you do,” because the former supports the latter.

I know this really just stems from oppositional/defiant behavior. My parents and aunt/uncle made such a big deal out of graduating, and making it into an event when it had no meaning to me. If it was up to me, I’d take my degree quietly and not attend the ceremony. Hence, I bring up the term noblesse oblige, because as much as I don’t want to sit through a graduation ceremony or have my parents bring in people I’ve no idea who they are for a party, that part is important to them, and for them I’ll do it. The only thing I’ll ask from them is, with getting this degree, help me in getting my own place and then help me get the things I need to start freelancing. Namely computer equipment and software.

In other thoughts, I need to head home ASAP. I’m out of food, and there are bills to be paid. I should have left while there was still light outside.

 

Signed,

Patrique

 

Categories: Reflections
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Thoughts on the Genii: Pt. II

13 December, 2007 · Leave a Comment

“Cheer up sleepy Jean, oh what can it mean to a daydream believer and a homecoming queen”

Before I begin to rant and ruminate, I couldn’t decide between keeping order and titling this something applicable. Now:

The illusion of choice. Deciding what would … ? In other thoughts, I’ve been ruminating on the nature of my friendship with Maclean and other friendships. The more I’ve thought about it, the more I realize one of the similarities that exist is we’re constantly searching to craft our own, independent vision of reality. Perhaps nothing but mere vanity, but I think of us in terms of visionaries. Sometimes, I view myself as crazy just because not everyone sees the world as I do, this animated realm where every object and being have lives and intricacies of their own. No one else witnessing this? Perhaps it is why I label myself an artist, a more palatable form of madness. I’ve more to say on that subject, but that is what my paper is for.

As for Maclean, Ricky, and myself (I’ve mentioned this very topic before, and I bring up these two because of the interest in the humanities, by proxy philosophy), there are difficulties in being a visionary, a crafter of reality. We know it won’t be readily palatable to everyone, there’s a select few one can let into the private realm one’s created. Ideally, I’d like for everyone to exist cohesively involved in a pure positive manner. Perhaps this only accounts for those I consider positive, but even those that contribute negatively crafty my vision of reality by what I would not like it to be. I’d even dare to say anyone with a dream, so long as one hopes, crafts a reality.

“Everyone dreams,” you may say, but not this kind of dreaming. Not the sleep induced dreaming or even simple fantasizing, but the kind of dreaming in a sense the way a craftsman draws up blueprints for the object he needs to craft. It is in this manner of dreaming I speak of, in an active sense that isn’t easily cast aside unless the possibilities of translating that dream into reality don’t exist yet. It can involve dreaming of relationships, goals in life, what to make for dinner; the essence being whatever one dreams about should inspire passion, a desire for life. Part of that essence involves crafting a personal philosophy, code of ethics, morals or what have you. I view this necessary as a sort of outline, building the frame for which one constructs their reality. My philosophy involves art, the difference between perception and ideal reality, and my purpose in being here. Not my complete philosophy, but part of the framework in crafting reality.

It is hard work to bring dreams into reality, which is why I dwell in fantasy so often. Passions are easily mistaken for insanity or other mental defects these days. When I stare off into space, sometimes I wonder if I appear to have left this realm. Slightly joking, but not really. I’m reminded of the song “Daydream Believers.” The point being on the process of creating. I know, and I suspect others with a visionary inclination know, that in order to create, one must withdraw into a different world, at a different level of consciousness.

In crafting the reality of a relationship, the idea of the honeymoon is necessary; not the actual honeymoon but that phase. Free from the input of the outside world, two can join to form a one even while existing as two. I like to think of the idea similar to atoms and molecules. Using hydrogen as an example, missing an electron in orbit, the atom isn’t stable until the two form H2 . As people, we are not complete until we find our other, part of the implicit social contract of entering humanity. The easiest bond to form once out of the family unit is a pairing, and from there change can be effected.

I think positive and negative forces (seen and unseen, physical and metaphysical, et al) also exist, that in turn mold people. We are but a reaction to the environment around us, yet we have choice in deciding how to react, whether positively or negatively, (neutral not being an option of the living.) Free will without psycho-actives – depressant or stimulant one will depress and one will elevate basic instincts, and one will simply explore within the realms of hallucinogens.

Psychedelics deal with this by providing a choice in how to react to the realities presented; one can have a negative experience, believing it will never end and will continue indefinitely in the case of positive feedback, or ironically and conversely, have a positive experience in knowing this is but one form of reality, knowing it will end due to the nature of negative feedback. The feedback ideas haven’t been hammered out just yet, but if I give my subconscious enough time it can work through many things. Then again, I’m simply trying to make sense of the crazy world around me through any means necessary.

In the case of my group of friends from Waterford, we have the interest of bettering people, or at least I’d like to hope. Perhaps this is only my goal, to mold potential into applied realities, and why I support people’s dreams as fiercely as I do. To not dream is a scary reality, on some level a complete declaration of mortality and no desire to leave some impression. My principle is everyone has some vision; everyone has some dream one wants to achieve. My vision is to be a positive force in the world, a catalyst for change. Sometimes I like to view myself as a muse and genie given free will, not bound by obligation but a conscious decision to serve. Then again, perhaps I’m merely delusional.

Categories: Reflections · Thoughts
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Thoughts on the Genii: Pt. I

11 December, 2007 · Leave a Comment

Arriving like dawn’s red shifting light,
fading blue hue of midwinter’s night.
I’ve accepted my fate,
nothing more than the son of Georgia.My blood runs like crimson petaled passion, colored by the clay of this state.
No more, no less, only and simply this.

While I have dreamt of escaping, some call it leaving
The roots I’ve here will always bind me
sometimes against my will.
More than dreamt between the stones of Piedmont
and sweeping, hypnotic flat coastal plains.
No less, no more, Chattahoochee and Atlantic shores.

From every part of the state, I’ve known, seen and tasted
the noxious but tolerant air of Atlanta, and her suburbanites,
To her doppleganger Athena less than sixty miles
Due east! An eclectic and eccentric blend of the cosmos.
Where society girls interplay with psychonauts on Broad and Lumpkin.
No more, not less, craving only and simply this

Made from the clay of this state,
Crafted into the person, of I-85, living now way down I-75.
A product cognizant, origins known,
journeying just as the stars unfold.
Indigo of the creeping night,
or as red as dawn’s shifting light.
No more, no less, not only but simply this.

On the idea of Genius, in turn genii, I can’t remember the Arabic but combine the idea of genius, genial and genie. Genius is about creating, about being independent, about knowing how multiple systems work and working around and within those systems to expand the possibilities of man. Genius and the modern term self actualization go together, I reason, because genii are known for creating. Genius communicates through what they create, and often the ideas and possibilities aren’t mere dreams but something that one could possibly craft into reality. Hence the term craftsman. At times it seems quite obvious, but to a “wordsmith,” it’s hard to appreciate the material. Was it Buffalmacco who commented the artists appreciates the pig not for its qualities of a pig but because bristles were made from pig hair.

With all of this said, genii are a resource to the community they’re in. “We must protect our best and our brightest.’ In earlier times it was easy to identify a genius, the world was smaller. Now, with more interdependency and globalization, we’ve only begun to measure and assess the needs of the global community, in the hopes of working in unison.

At times, with the ideas I’ve contemplated and written down, I can only ascertain if I didn’t explore the ideas in a logical manner I’d be quickly committed, or just homeless.

 

Signed,

Patrique

 

Categories: Poetry · Reflections · Thoughts
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