Women and body image: a man’s perspective – Telegraph
As the art critic John Berger wrote: ‘Men look at women. Women watch themselves being looked at. This determines not only the relations of men to women, but the relation of women to themselves.’
While the article itself wasn’t groundbreaking, the dialogue it spawned in comment discussion was very … interesting. It was basically a split decision between men and women over appearances, with the occasional gay male perspective thrown in. Because let’s face it, gay men suffer just as much as women with a ridiculous obsession with youth and appearances.
Women know that men are only interested in women who are thin and attractive. That’s why they put so much pressure on themselves to live up to the ideal of female physical perfection presented in beauty magazines. Even if they have a man, they fear losing him if they are no longer attractive.
Men, on the oher hand, generally attract women because of their wealth, status and power. Looks have very little to do with it, especially over the age of 25. Thus, straight men do not feel the pressure to conform to a prescribed ideal of male beauty. Ergo, most straight men over the age of 25 are overweight and out of shape – but have no trouble finding women to sleep with / date.
I am a gay man, so my observations come from an entirely disinterested perspective.
Gay men put a lot of pressure on themselves to look good because they know other gay men will not be interested unless they are gym-toned and well-dressed.
Comment by James
Dear tells me constantly that I’m not fat. And 99% of the time I believe him. Unless I somehow trick myself and fall into that pit of comparing myself to others, which is a nasty habit right up there with nose picking and spitting. Somehow my neuroses about my looks migrate over to every aspect about my life until I am reduced to a puddle of unintelligible “I’ll never accomplish anything.”
I say 99% of the time I believe him, because honestly I don’t trust my own judgment. It falls into two extremes of : “I am the hottest shit to walk this earth,” or “My god what were my parent’s thinking. Is there an award beneath Mis(ter) Congeniality.” It’s a self-esteem issue, and I’ve made it my number one item to work on for 2010. Because, while I may not be 6’0, I enjoy my 5’6 stature. And while I may not be the definition of masculinity, oddly enough I am in love with my personality. It’s endearing, and I’ve lived with it for most of my life (barring that really strange phase somewhere around 10th grade). I could make myself an object of desire, but I still have youth on my side. And as Baz Lurhman said:
“Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You’re not as fat as you imagine.”
Come to think of it, whenever I feel myself entering a self-esteem spiral, I typically refer myself back to this song. Well, usually his words of wisdom pop in my head, I reflect on their meaning, and then I listen to Quinton Tarver’s recording they used for Romeo + Juliet. It’s shorter, concise, angelic and to the point.
I keep telling myself to revel in my youth. Even if I am a penniless sitar player.
Posted on 26 May, 2010
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