The Gays : With Whom Does My Allegiance Lie?

Marie-Antoinette: Am I to be Austrian or the Dauphine of France?

Ambassador Mercy: You must be both.

My Dearest Marie Antoinette,

I write to you again because I feel you may truly understand the issues present. Our country has undergone a social revolution. We haven’t fought a civil war with blood  but an ideological war has been raging for the past 8 years. The Eagle Wars: Straight versus Gay, Neo-conservative versus Ultra-liberal, Democrat versus Republican, rich versus poor. President Obama was right in declaring our country has almost been ripped apart.

Of course, this war of ideas has it’s roots in the 1960s. The Blacks had the Civil Rights Movement. Women had the Feminist Movement. And The Gays (GLBTQ) had the beginnings of the Human Rights Campaign with the Stonewall Riot. The ’60s were a tumultuous time indeed. It was  a point in history when repressed minorities finally said “Enough!” and asserted themselves in various ways. The Blacks had leaders such as Martin Luthor King Jr and Macolm X; Feminism found intrigue in Betty Friedan; and The Gays had leaders such as Harvey Milk and Barbara Gettings. Admittedly, there are some key people left out. The point, however, is that all three of these movements are intertwined. Tired of being minorities and treated like second class citizens, in the ’60s we all collectively rose up with fists.

However, many of today’s younger members of The Gays fail to understand the oppression faced by both women and blacks. Being gay isn’t visible. One can ‘act straight’ and cover up their gayness if they wish, or skip down Fifth Avenue waving a rainbow flag while doing rhythmic gymnastics to a dance remix of Britney Spears and Liza Minelli. The foundation for Gay Rights begins much earlier than the ’60s, but women and blacks have been fighting for equal treatment ever since the founding of this country. Being a woman or being black isn’t easily turned on like a light switch.

There’s the old joke about the lowest minority being a black lesbian with HIV/AIDS. It’s a horrible joke, but it highlights the different degrees of second class citizenship. A minority of a minority of a minority. There but for the grace of god, go I.

Originally, women were not allowed the right to vote at the founding of this country. Blacks, or rather slaves in southern states, were considered fractions of people. A white gay male at the founding of this country could vote and own slaves. He could flaunt his homosexuality or hide it. Women and Blacks were not as lucky. It’s no surprise that as the Suffrage movement was gaining momentum in the 1850s, the sudden surprise of the Civil War and addition of Black Males to the roster of those allowed to vote upset a few people. Yet, women such as Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Harriet Beecher Stowe and others understood the moral imperative for fighting the Civil War, and bided their time. Throughout the history of the United States there has been this dance between the rights of blacks and the rights of women. Sometimes it appears as though the two are working in tandem with each other. “All right, you go first, and then we’ll go.” It probably isn’t a conscious act, but the recent election of President Obama and the ‘fight’ with Hillary Clinton highlighted these two movements finally coming to blows with each other. People comment the fight was mean. I comment the fight wasn’t nearly as vicious as it could have been, and both candidates exercised great poise, considering they were representing large minorities.

Mind you, the modern gay rights movement has its foundations in the same enlightened ideals of the womans rights movement and civil rights movement in the 18th and 19th century. Homosexual acts were punishable under sodomy laws. Look at Oscar Wilde. But he is not a US citizen, and at the founding of our country we had more pressing issues to attend.

To be black and gay in this country is still up for debate. While I don’t agree with those on The Down Low, I can understand their point of view. Why become a visible double minority if one of them isn’t as obvious or can be hidden.

And so, to be a ‘Negro’ and a member of ‘The Gays’ I often ask myself, “Where does my allegiance lie?” When someone chooses to insult me, am I a ‘nigger’ or a ‘faggot?’

At times, I want to simplify the issue and tell myself I must choose a side. It is impossible to serve two masters. When fighting breaks out between friends, there are three options: choose a side, ignore both ignore both friends until they either kill each other or settle their differences, or work towards reconciliation. The latter option of working with both sides is the hardest of the two, and most trying because as the leaders of civil rights movements of the past understand, change doesn’t come easily. It is constant work, and that work is constantly tiring and exhaustive.

In today society, to proclaim oneself as a member of The Gays/Homosexual/Transexual/Bisexual/Pansexual what-have you often means choosing between the desire to live one’s life as one chooses or how another dictates. Unfortunately, a line ends up being drawn in the sand. To proclaim oneself as GBLTQ can mean choosing between a biological family one has known for years, or an extended family made up of people with like minds. But walking away from blood is never easy. Think of the abused woman who stays with her husband and why it is hard for her to leave: who will support her? Not simply financially, but emotionally, physically, etc. And if there are children in the relationship? Does she endure for the sake of her children or walk away because, although it would be hard at first, anything would be better than bringing them up in that environment? Not quite the same situation.

“This is ridiculous”
“This, Madame, is Versailles”

If I want to fight for change in both communities, then my allegiance must lie with both sides. Apparently, I must be a nigger and a faggot. A high heel wearing, pole smoking porch monkey. One can insert any racial epithet, because it is an issue not just for the black community, but Asians, Hispanics, Martians, Latvians and everyone in between who is a minority. Except, I am not a nigger. Nor am I a faggot. I am Patrique. I am Black. And I am Gay.

I’m fortunate to have a supportive family. I came out my senior year of high school, 2003,and my parents told me ‘That doens’t change our love for you, and we will continue to support you. But we cannot accept that lifestyle.” They didn’t mean they were abandoning me. They simply declared being gay put them in a position of moral conflict. Fast forward to last fall, where both of my parents showed up to hear me read at the Atlanta Queer Literary Festival because they knew it was important to support me. And a year ago, at a bar in our hotel in London my dad told me he didn’t care who I loved, as long as I was happy that’s all he wanted for me and would support me.

Change doesn’t come easily, but in the words of Gandhi, “You must be the change you wish to see in the world.” For some, this will mean taking drastic assertive actions (I hope non violent) It will mean that sometimes a line will have to be drawn in the sand, and one says enough is enough. Others have the luxury of asserting their rights modestly, with little, gradual changes over time.

Letting everyone down would be my greatest unhappiness.

I still believe. And I will rise up with fists. And I will take what’s mine. In my own, modest way of course. Assert your rights in whatever manner feels comfortable, whether drastic or modest.

At any rate, ma chere Reine, I’m going to continue watching you on screen. Whenever faced with indecision on how to act in the manner of noblesse oblige, I turn on you portrayed by Kirsten Dunst and feel camaraderie and understanding, even through the distance of time. And please tell Mrs. King I have her letter sitting on my desk. I merely need to send it.

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