Blast from the Past…

I remember hearing this song for the first time on the radio when The Hunchback of Notre Dame came out. I never understood why the song wasn’t more popular. I loved the message then, and I still love it now.

Ever since hearing it for the first time, at low moments I find myself listening to this song. To know that at some point in the future the present situation will be different. In retrospect, the song helped me become mindful of the situation, and regulate my own emotions. The night before I came out to my parents, I was in my room doing homework and listening to music. “I Will Get There” by Boyz II Men came on and I started bawling. Uncontrollably. It was two  in the morning, and apparently my dad heard me and came in, asking what was wrong. I couldn’t tell him then, so I just cried with him for a couple minutes. The emotions were out. After he left, “Someday” came on and I felt this sense of relief.

Both songs come from movies dealing with outcasts: “Someday” from The Hunchback of Notre Dame, and “I Will Get There” from The Prince of Egypt. While I still sometimes tear up whenever I hear “I Will Get There,” when I hear Someday I’m filled with this sense of ‘life does not feel alright right now, but someday it will get better.’

When I was younger I was told that I was too sensitive. I cried at the 7th Heaven episode when they realized their aunt had a drinking problem and confronted her about it. I cried during the Hunchback of Notre Dame when they were persecuting him. And I cried during Beauty and the Beast when Gaston had led the townspeople to Beast’s home and outright attacked him. Unprovoked. I know I’m a sensitive person. Which is why emotion regulation is critical for me, because I do feel life very deeply and at times it is difficult dealing with all the overwhelming emotions. But I’ve learned to deal. To observe what I’m feeling, and how it is affecting me. And I embrace my emotions. With songs like “Someday,” I’m able to realize I have emotions but I am not my emotions.

Repression, an avoidance technique, only leads to problems further down the line. I compare it to putting emotions on a credit card. Eventually the bill must be paid, and if the cash isn’t there problems will erupt. Over the past year, and a problematic year with drinking, I’ve learned to embrace my emotions instead of charging it to be paid later. And sometimes I’ve found it’s ok to charge. So long as the bill isn’t ignored for too long.  The drinking itself wasn’t a problem, the problem was why I was drinking. And alcohol in general tends to release suppressed emotions. Hence the message from Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde. Any drug used wiselyhas the benefit to help understand oneself. In the past year, I’ve learned to respect drugs in all forms, and they will respect me.

At any rate, I still love playing this song from time to time. Especially on stressful days.