Dear Microsoft et al,
No, I will not love you. Get going. We are not part of the same place nor time. Now, you don’t make any G/g-od(s) damn sense. Especially Word 2007. You crash right when I’m done writing, and then refuse to close. Prompting me to restart several times. Now, your program decides it will open when it feels like, not when I click on it. Pff. If I try to open another document, you do so at your own pace. Whenever you feel like it. Tabbed on the deskbar? ‘I’ll pop up when I’ve showered and eaten and counted the butterflies in the gardem.’ Fug you. And saving? Forget about it.
Your updates constantly slow down my computer. And fug with my other programs. And your LiveWriter? Pff. I’m tempted to say downloading that program is what started my problems. I’ll give you credit for style, flair and pizazz.You just may be The Nanny. However, I love Ms. Fine, Niles and even Ms. Babcock. You, however, I do not love. I loathe. The two words sound similar but are worlds apart. Because my computer started bleeding out the vadge once I opted to download your stupid update. As if I didn’t have a choice. My computer rolled and crept to a slow crawl.
Given, I may have been trying to do some graphic design while playing music and had a couple or 10 tabs open in Firefox. Still. You may as well have come into my office and put a gun to my head, demanding I download that fuggin update or normal speed would not return.
I’m sorry to rant. Though, only slightly sorry. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were George Bushin’ my laptop. But I do know better. So, in short, stop crashing my computer and start making some god damn sense. I will forgive you if you give me a new mac and the latest Adobe Creative Suite. Thank you.
P.S- It was thanks to these kind technocrats I came close to solving your identity crisis.
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