Noblesse Oblige: The Essence of Being Gay Pt. III

Three can keep a secret if two are dead.
Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)

Dear St. Sebatian and Ganymede,

Why must so many black men insist on being down low. Actually, I already suspect some answers, but first I’ll need to vent and address those who are down low. You don’t fool anyone. It’s not an affront to your masculinity. Perhaps you don’t want being gay to define your life, or perhaps you’re not gay at all. Maybe you’re bisexual. Whatever the reasons, they’re rather selfish, in the fact that it isn’t just you who suffers. Especially those of you who fail to use protection. If you only had sex with men, then maybe it’d be understandable, at least from the perspective is it’s not going to fuck up their chances of having a baby. Most of The Gays don’t even want children, though a sizable minority do.

If you’re bisexual, at least have the balls to be open about it instead of hiding behind the mantle of The Gays. You and your secrecy give us all a bad name, and I’m tired of it. The blame doesn’t just fall to black men, though. There is a sizable population of white/other married men who seek fun on the internet. I’ve had a few encounters when I was younger, namely the year I turned 16. After the third encounter, though, it ate at me because I would hate to think of my spouse/lover/other cheating on me, much less with a women if I were in that position.

You also do yourself a disservice by failing to be honest with yourself, and failing to be honest with your partner. If you’d like to sleep around, discuss it with your partner/spouse/whomever. They may say no, they may say yes. At least, don’t keep them in a dark because your down low actions also end up affecting them. Some people simply have a high sex drive, while others don’t. It’s the great spectrum of human diversity.

More importantly, it just irritates me. There’s nothing wrong with some no string sex, but after awhile it gets old, and if all you have left to look back on are a series of random encounters, who will remember your life once you’re gone. You can make your story just a bit more interesting. No need for a relationship, but leave a better impact on the world than being known as the next Typhoid Mary.

For black men, I guess a lot of the pressure is societal. The conscious collective of the black man as this hyper masculine being, who will stick his penis in anything that moves and has a high libido with an even larger and impressive foot size. Then, there’s pressure from the community where ‘queer’ behavior just isn’t accepted. To be gay in the black community borders on being excommunicated. The situation has become slightly better, as more black people move into middle class [While being in The Gays transcends classes, the highly religious or less educated typically aren’t as accepting of The Gays – namely rural areas and vast swatches of suburbia.] To be accepting of The Gays takes a lot of understanding of human nature and oneself. To understand human nature and oneself, one must have time to reflect, and time is a precious resource usually available to those more educated.

While my parents weren’t necessarily thrilled to find out I was gay, they didn’t condemn me. Also, my worst fear of them disowning me didn’t come true either. In fact, over the years they’ve become more and more supportive of me truly being comfortable with myself, especially around them. Then again, they hold college degrees and one master, and have traveled extensively. The same can be said of my uncle and aunt, who are also highly supportive and also hold various degrees. Would I tell the rest of my family? Probably not the older members, but my cousins I think would be more understanding. Who knows. Some people work better by showing, and others by telling. Not asking and not telling, however, is horrible to the essence of being.

Intro

Craigslist

Tina and Blow